So today I went and had my sutures removed and it didn't change SQUAT!!! I still have this God forsaken lump in the front of my throat that is keeping me from talking AND swallowing. I could probably handle the lump in my throat if I could speak clearly. Of course the egg donor is using this as another reason why she doesn't have to deal with me. My question is when did she ever deal with me? Am I even worth being dealt with?
On the topic of my self-worth, I keep looking back at all of the people who have made me who I am and all the innocent victims that got caught in the middle. I have tried for years to blame my problems on my parents, my teachers, even my rapist but eventually I had to admit that while they set the road out in front of me it was my decision not to make my own way. The road to hell may be paved with good intentions but the road back is most certainly paved with depravity, abuse, and humiliation. The part of it all that I regret the most are the people who stood by me no matter what. Between Michelle, Heather, Amy, and Joe I have done enough damage to last 100 lifetimes.
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